Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently Asked Questions

People often ask me, ¨Where are you from?¨
¨Inglaterra? England? David Beckham,
Aaah your prime minister, Mister Tony Blair...¨
Perhaps somewhat prematurely,
The political conversation usually ends there.

People often ask me, ¨Isn´t your journey really tough?¨
But the slow, sweaty, squeeze
With my fellow commuter ants
Was harder than cycling the Americas
With just two pairs of pants.

People often ask me, ¨How much does your bike cost?¨
As their bike probably cost less than my spokes,
Evasively I answer that it was a present from my folks.

People often ask me, ¨Why are you still single?¨
Well I guess at cocktail parties
I find it hard to mingle.

People often ask me, ¨Isn´t your bottom incredibley sore?¨
To which I politely reply
This is saddle number four.

People often ask me, ¨Hey gringo, why are you in such a hurry?¨
I explain that I´ve got to get back to Tooting as I really need a curry.

Relevant trip statistics

Distance ridden-Not really sure, think about 16,000 miles, maybe quite not that far, but it was a long way.
Number of punctures-48
Onion Bhajees eaten-3
Countries ridden through-Argentina, Chile, Bolivia, Peru, Ecuador, Colombia, Panama, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Honduras, Guatemala, Mexico, United States (Arizona, Utah, Nevada, California, Oregon, Washington and Alaska) and Canada. (British Columbia and Yukon).

...Yes, oh yes, take me back to my childhood and happier times, play the Littlest Hobo theme music

Q1: How much money did you raise for Medecins Sans Frontieres?

I managed to raise £8,550.38 online and I would like to say a big thank you very much to everybody who made a donation (both online and offline) and to everyone who helped me out along the way.

Q2: Had you ever done anything like this before?

A: I had done a three-month bike and bus trip from San Diego in the United States to Cancun in Mexico in 1996/1997. I have also done shorter touring/mountain bike trips in California, Costa Rica and Peru.

Q3: What kind of bike did you take on your trip?

A: I rode an Orange P7 (see photograph above). I have had this bike for some time. It is a very reliable, simple, strong mountain bike (no front or rear suspension). I wore strong hiking boots and toe clips (not spd pedals and cycling shoes). I started off both front and back panniers but my frame snapped a couple of times and so I bought a Bob Ibex trailer (with suspension) in Santiago, Chile. I would really recommend a Bob Ibex's for a long bike tour, especially if you are planning to ride on a lot of unpaved roads.

Q4: What kind of camping equipment did you take?

A: I took a tent, a small MSR stove, sleeping bag, 2 sleeping bag liners, inflable mattress (I did a lot of camping in Argentina, Chile, United States and Canada).

Q5: What part of the trip were you looking forward to the most?

A: Patagonia. I had heard so much about it and have always wanted to go there since reading Bruce Chatwin's book In Patagonia. Riding along Ruta 40 was an amazing experience.

Q6: Did you cycle through Colombia?

A: Yes. It was fantastic. Although I saw a lot of soldiers on the road nobody bothered me at all.

Q7: Did you take any luxury items?

A: I took a copy of Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes which kept me going for a couple of months. I always made sure I had a couple of good book with me. One of the most interesting books I read on the trip was "Collapse" by Jared Diamond.

Q8: Could you speak Spanish?

A: I could say some basic phrases such as "You have beautiful brown hair" and "Hey waiter, this fish is horrible.". I picked more up along the way and studied Spanish in Argentina and Bolivia.

Q9: What is your favourite joke?

My favourite joke is the "Tappy Lappy Dog joke", which goes like this:

There was this fella in Ashington* and he bred whippets. One Saturday morning he was watering his leeks in his allotments and his nephew came in through the allotment gate and said,
"Hey uncle there's a fella in Gateshead teaches dogs to talk".
The uncle scratched his head looked down at the whippet and said,
"If she could talk she would be a world beater... [pause for dramatic effect]... how much does it cost?"
"£5 a week uncle and it takes him a fortnight."
"Well here's a fiver take him away and bring him back."
The nephew went away out, sold the dog and spent the money on wine, women and song. The next Saturday he returned his uncle said,
"How's the dog ganna on lad?"
"Smashing uncle, saying little bits of poetry and stuff like that and its got an accent like the wife of the manager of the A pit**."
"Well here's the other fiver. Bring him back next week."
But the nephew returned the following week without the dog.
"Where's the dog lad?"
"Well uncle I collected the dog from this fella in Wreckington and we were walking doon the high street in Gateshead tappy lappy*** and the dog's talking sixteen to the dozen and we gets into the middle of the high level bridge and all of a sudden the dog stopped, looked up at me and said, "does your uncle still knock aroond with the widow that keeps the bullet shop**** in Newbiggin?" so I gets hod of him and chucks him in the river and droons him."
"You did reet lad its enough the bloody neighbours talking without the rotten dog."

* A part of Newcastle.

** A coal mine.

*** To walk in a dainty fashion.

**** A sweet shop.

Q10: Is it true you have a lucrative modelling contract lined up now that you have returned to England?

A: No, at the moment I am not sure that I want to fully commit myself to a catwalk career. I might do some occasional catalogue work in the future(chunky sweaters, chinos, casual knitwear etc) but nothing too heavy.

Q11: Do you really like Mariah Carey's music?

A: No.

Push on!